Complicated Lady, Margaret Keane

She had a little rebel in her.  a little chaos and a little gentleness. she didn't say much and sometimes she would doze off. she would drift away, dream with the stars and that was okay. she had a little fight in her and everytime she built enough courage her voice would echo through the sky. she wasn't complete, but she had enough. there was a science to her genius, her madness, her beauty and there was nothing she couldn't accomplish. she was unstoppable, and everything she ever wanted she took with nothing on but a smile.

r.m. drake

First, I guess I'm a woman. A liberal woman. I have children, I'm married, I own a business. I love my husband, my children and my business deeply. I like being a woman, but I'm not sure I love it. I do realize the irony there. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, but not with my body. I've struggled with just about every vice you could think of. I'm extremely open-minded, to the point of having almost no outward opinions at all. To the contrary, the moral compass in my head and heart is unwavering and resolute. 

Okay, yes, this is technically a blog, but the word 'blog' itself makes me recoil in self-loathing. That same feeling I get when I open a Vanity Fair and see an article called "People We Can't Stop Watching" and it highlights 5 different 20 something "movers and shakers" who write fashion, art and travel blogs. I'm sure they have tons of really meaningful shit to say about all their young thoughts and feelings that would directly apply to my life, but I think I'll pass. If they have anything to offer on the topic of the struggle of being a woman, wife, mother and biz owner, maybe we'll talk. For the most part I believe blogs are for girls who wear rompers, spend their summers at music fests and can't wait to try out a new paleo recipe.  

I'll call it something different..... how about forum.... no, too group-ey, how about golb.... no, too semi-palidrome-ey, how about journal.... no, too 'are you there God, it's me Margaret'-ey. Well this is hard.... maybe we'll come back to this part. For now, it's the anti-blog.   

So why am I taking to the internet to voice my opinions, talk about myself and my life in a deeply personal and vulnerable way? Still trying to figure that out. Ego? Insecurity? Anonymity? Maybe a bit of all of the above....

This is an experiment... in courage, in catharsis, in confidence, in everything.